Daddy's Little Girl

I wrote a post on Facebook today. It said this:

"I want to be a kid again. Not because of bills. Not because I can't handle adulting. But because life. Because childhood. Because I just want to cry like a big kid to my daddy. For my daddy to hold me & reassure his little girl that everything is going to be alright. That he will protect me & prepare me for everything this world has to throw at me. I want to be Daddy's Little Girl again, just for one day. 💔"

Heartbreak is hard. I may be biased to say it's the hardest when the first heartbreak you experience is from your dad. I was Daddy's Little Girl, Daddy's Little Princess, His first and only girl! Only God knows what my Father means to me. I spent a lot of time questioning why God let him leave me. It hurt me. It broke my heart.

For a while I blamed my dad, and that tarnished the bond we built before he left. I got him back now. But it's just not the same. I am not Daddy's Little Girl anymore. My daddy left when I was still a girl. He left me to learn and go through this this world on my own. I experienced heartbreak after heartbreak, without my daddy. What's a hurt little girl without her Father to comfort her wounds and protect her heart? Lost. Angry. Sometimes even bitter.

But I've grown into a woman now. I'm still learning what that means for me. And though a lot has changed, God has been reminding me that the matters which truly matter will always remain the same, and that is matters of the heart. I understand now more and more that even though the world separated my Father and I physically, our souls are always connected at heart. He prepared me to be the woman of God that I am currently discovering.

I understand now why when I hurt and I cry, I find myself saying "I want my daddy. I just want my daddy." Though the tears run physically from my eyes, the cry is from the heart. It is deep inside. I am still learning how to heal my heart inside outward.

It is almost like a cry to heaven. Asking God to bring me out of the pain in this world and into redemption... like a little girl wants her father to save her from the hurt...

But I trust my Father. He is my guidance. I do not have the best relationship with him currently, but I am working on it and that is what matters to me. I am just thankful to have a relationship with him, no matter the status of the relationship, that is my Father. I love him and He loves me. I trust that even if no other man of this world can love me, my daddy will always love me like no other. That is enough to for me to continue fighting for love in this ugly, evil world. I have a strong man behind me, beside me, and living inside of my soul.

- thewriterquai | AKA "Daddy's Girl" 💙